Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bad Rage

This morning Kenzie had a very bad rage. I am not even sure what caused it. It was like she woke up that way. Screaming, cursing, pushing, kicking the back of the car seat, and even threats of "I just want to die!" "I do not want to be here anymore!" It got so bad that I had to pull the car over and wait. Then I realized I'd better call my carpool friend and let her know we were running late. When my friend answered the phone I almost started crying and Kenzie could hear me. Well, that triggered it and she just suddenly stopped screaming and kicking and started crying and saying she was sorry. It was like she was coming down from a high. It was like something you see in a movie. It left me shaking and mentally exhausted by 7:15 a.m.! I just do not know what to do in those circumstances. I start by taking away her privileges and then it just escalates and before you know it all of her privileges are gone and she is stuck in her room when she comes home from school. I do not know what else to do. But I know that I have to teach her that acting like that causes consequences. Because when she gets older those consequences will look very different like no one wanting to be around her or loosing her job, not ever marrying, etc. I know part of her cannot control what is going on in her brain but she seems to be able to turn it off and on when she is around other people. She doesn't have these rages at school. So, why just around us? The whole thing is yucky for a lack of a better word. I could think of others but I won't write them. It just reminds me of how much I need Christ and how much she needs the Savior. I hope she can figure that out through all of this. Melmed is tomorrow. Waiting and hoping...


  1. Amy, I'm so sorry. Everytime I read these, I get sick at my stomach. Again, it's one of those male things....how to solve!!?? Very rarely do you hear from me when you post these comments. It is simply, I don't know what to say. Just know that I love you and that I wish every minute I could snap my fingers and make this go away.

  2. I am so familiar with these rages. I just want to assure you that if McKenzie is put on the right med mix for her, the rages will subside to almost nothing. The key is the right med mix, which may take a while to find, as you know. I would be interested to see how she would test with a QEEG study, like they do at Meridell. Amantadine was the magic drug for Caroline, as well as a very high level of Trileptal, which take care of those seizure like rages that seem to come from nowhere. We haven't seen those kind of scary rages since those two drugs were added in. Have hope, we know that medications won't cure them but the symptoms can be greatly lessened. As far as self-control goes, I know exactly what you mean by not allowing her to act like that, but, it is very hard for them to NOT act like that if their brain's don't have the chemicals they need to function. We have seen with Caroline that she wasn't able to have that kind of self-control until she was truly stabilized.

  3. Hi . Im a parent whos child has not been diagnosed yet but i do believe my child may need to be soon.hes only 5 years old..ive been feeling so hopeless as a parent..im seeking advice from one mother to another .would love to hear more about your story