Really?!?

Okay, totally frustrated-drove all the way to the psychiatrist this morning(45 minute drive)just to get there and find out that she had gotten sick and had to go home. Of course, I was with all three kids-had to wake all of them up to go and it made Tori 30 minutes late to her music camp. And they couldn't even get Kenz back in to see her until the 20th of July. Then I get a call saying she is okay to return to work and she is opening up her schedule tomorrow for the patients that she missed today. So now I have to do it all again tomorrow at 1:00! This time I am calling before I leave the house to make sure she is okay. At least it is not early morning again.

Forgot her Medicine and...

...we all payed for it.
Yesterday was the last dance recital for Kenzie. It was the fourth day in a row that I had to do her hair and make-up. Needless to say I was not very patient. However, she was great all three days. But yesterday she forgot to take her vyvanse which is her ADHD medicine. It seems to be when she does not have this medicine her mind is flying with thoughts and she can't focus or get motivated to do anything. Then if you add on stress we usually have a meltdown because she just can't handle it. Well that is exactly what happened. Not a pretty sight. I was so mad at her for not listening to me and taking it when I told her to. Of all days! All of that upset could have been prevented. She is almost fourteen years old. When is she going to be responsible enough to remember to take her meds? And doesn't she realize that when she does not have them she usually has some sort of meltdown and causes stress and havoc to the whole family? However, she did pull it together, did almost all of her make-up by herself(because I refused to do it), and made it on time to the recital. I also calmed down, enjoyed the recital, even cried during her ballet number. She is such a beautiful dancer. As I watch her I am in awe and can't believe one that she is mine and two that she has any issues at all. She becomes another person at that stage and for that I am so glad. Then I got to go out on a date with husband. It ended up being a good day after all. Then today she fixed her daddy breakfast all by herself. She has done all of her chores without complaining and even organized her desk. She is so unpredictable, but I am very thankful for all of the good today. For all of the fathers out there have a Happy Father's Day!

Meltdown Not as Bad as in the Past

Kenzie had another meltdown yesterday and I have to say it wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. She did not cuss or hurt anyone. She just cried really hard, ranted and raved, and kicked a chair across the room. I think it was not as bad because of the nurtured heart approach and how we handle things now when they get yucky. I know it still sounds bad to others but trust me for us it was much better. The only thing I hated was when she kicked the chair it scared Addy and she cried. That was the first time Addyson reacted that way. And that made me sad! But we have to look at the positive and overall it was not to the scale it has been in the past. Maybe one day we will be rid of them completely.

Anxiety is Winning

Lately, Kenzie has shared with me about her thoughts. Through this I have to come to realize that she suffers from true anxiety. Whether it is GAD or OCD or a combo of both I have not yet determined. But what she thinks of would just blow you out of the water. Let me share an example with you. Tonight we were outside in the pool and we heard a noise. In my mind it sounded like fireworks. But Kenz immediately thought it was a gunshot and that there were bad guys close coming to get us. She got both of her sisters out of the pool and began to panic. The way she handles her panic is by asking the same question or a series of questions over and over. And guess who those questions are directed to... me! I really try hard to reassure her and be patient but it is hard when the thoughts she has are so irrational and she won't believe any of my answers. I finally had to give her some medicine to calm her down. But she still has to make sure where both of us(her parents) are at all times right now. This is her biggest fear-that some "bad guys" are going to come and do something to her family. She said lately that her biggest worry is which sister she should save first if something bad happened. She is also very scared that I will die. She has a ritual of saying I love you millions of times before I leave to go anywhere and before bedtime-she also has to give me a thousand kisses. You think this would be wonderful but when you know it is not normal, it is annoying and worrisome. My heart hurts for her. I worry too but not like this. I can't imagine what it is like to constantly be worrying about awful things that might happen. They say(and so does she) that is why she plays games on the computer, watches TV and turns up the radio-to block out those thoughts. I have a theory-maybe all of this anxiety is what causes her irritable moods and outbursts. And maybe that is why the bipolar medications that we have tried have not worked with her and why the stimulants do help with her impulsive behavior, hyperactivity, and focusing(ADHD symptoms). They said that ADHD can go along with OCD. Anyway, the psychiatrist thought I might be on to something and gave her buspirone which has not helped at all. In fact it seems that the anxiety has gotten worse. I think if we could find some medicine that would help and then therapy on top of that she would be so much better and happier. Anybody reading this that knows anything about OCD or others that have kids with it if you could let me know I would greatly appreciate it.

First Girl/Boy Party

Yesterday McKenzie graduated from 8th grade-no more junior high. High school here we come. Oh My Goodness! I think I am more nervous about this adventure than she is. Well, maybe not. I do not have anxiety. She does.

Last night one of the girls in her class had a graduation party and she was invited. I was thrilled for her but also a little skeptic. I could not figure out how or why she got invited because she really has no friends at school. At least she does not do anything with anybody outside of school. But I guess she is somewhat socializing at school or she wouldn't have been invited. She was nervous and so was I. I was worried she would say or do something that the kids would make fun of her for. I was also worried that they may have invited her just to be mean to her. You know those movies where they invite the unpopular kids and pull pranks on them. All kinds of things went through my head. Of course I did not verbalize any of this to Kenzie. She was nervous enough and even had a hard time deciding on whether she wanted to go or not. I did tell her she could call me at any time and ask me to come get her. In the end she did go and everything went well apparently. She even said she thought one of the boys was flirting with her. I am not sure if I am ready for this. And is she?