Saturday, June 5, 2010
Anxiety is Winning
Lately, Kenzie has shared with me about her thoughts. Through this I have to come to realize that she suffers from true anxiety. Whether it is GAD or OCD or a combo of both I have not yet determined. But what she thinks of would just blow you out of the water. Let me share an example with you. Tonight we were outside in the pool and we heard a noise. In my mind it sounded like fireworks. But Kenz immediately thought it was a gunshot and that there were bad guys close coming to get us. She got both of her sisters out of the pool and began to panic. The way she handles her panic is by asking the same question or a series of questions over and over. And guess who those questions are directed to... me! I really try hard to reassure her and be patient but it is hard when the thoughts she has are so irrational and she won't believe any of my answers. I finally had to give her some medicine to calm her down. But she still has to make sure where both of us(her parents) are at all times right now. This is her biggest fear-that some "bad guys" are going to come and do something to her family. She said lately that her biggest worry is which sister she should save first if something bad happened. She is also very scared that I will die. She has a ritual of saying I love you millions of times before I leave to go anywhere and before bedtime-she also has to give me a thousand kisses. You think this would be wonderful but when you know it is not normal, it is annoying and worrisome. My heart hurts for her. I worry too but not like this. I can't imagine what it is like to constantly be worrying about awful things that might happen. They say(and so does she) that is why she plays games on the computer, watches TV and turns up the radio-to block out those thoughts. I have a theory-maybe all of this anxiety is what causes her irritable moods and outbursts. And maybe that is why the bipolar medications that we have tried have not worked with her and why the stimulants do help with her impulsive behavior, hyperactivity, and focusing(ADHD symptoms). They said that ADHD can go along with OCD. Anyway, the psychiatrist thought I might be on to something and gave her buspirone which has not helped at all. In fact it seems that the anxiety has gotten worse. I think if we could find some medicine that would help and then therapy on top of that she would be so much better and happier. Anybody reading this that knows anything about OCD or others that have kids with it if you could let me know I would greatly appreciate it.