That would be me and McKenzie. McKenzie is in rare form. Being off almost all of her medicine has made her hyper, impulsive, and very annoying-to say the least. She has been grounded in her room most of the day today for picking on Tori, talking ugly to me and her dad, and not following directions. She even grabbed me by the shirt to try and get me to stay and listen to her "BS" Excuse me, but I am sick of it all. I keep thinking how much longer can we take all this? How much longer can I take it? I want her HELP! I want it NOW! Todd suggested that we put her in the hospital but good would that do-she would just act like everything was fine and hide all of it from them. Plus, very few of her triggers would be there. I think it would be a waste of time and money. But we are getting desperate again. I just hope this Meridell thing can work out sooner rather later.
Last night I took the girls on a walk to the park and then to get pizza and ice cream. I thought it would be a fun Friday night outing but instead it turned into a battlefield with Kenz. Constant complaining, constant nagging, constant teasing and tormenting Tori-fighting with everything I said. It was unreal. I took away all of the privileges I could think of and then finally just had to put her in her room the rest of the night just so we could have a little peace. I am not sure she would have stayed except that Dad came home and when both of us are here she knows better than to mess with both of us at the same time.
I am also struggling with my depression. I think it is because of several reasons. One, I do not see immediate help for Kenz or relief from her. Two, I do not know anybody else that has young kids like me...i.e. the baby. I am too old. All of my friends have older children. It makes me feel isolated. My class that I teach is not doing so good. I usually have two classes and I only have one which leaves me with very little extra spending money and with the economy the way it is right now I need to be careful and grateful, which is hard at times. I know God has me right where He wants me and I do have a plan on what I need to do to help myself. I just need to do it. I'll share my plan in my next post.
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I am so sorry that she is so out of control right now. When we need to buy time to get Caroline to the hospital, or a doctor's appt, or something that isn't immediate, and she is over the edge, we give her about .5 to 1 mg of Clonipin until we get the help we need. It makes her sleepy, but it is better than the alternative. Do you have that on board?
ReplyDeleteNo, haven't heard of that one-the intuniv 3 mg. and the seroquel makes her very sleepy. Last night we went down to the intuniv 2 mg. so that is probably why she is so wild. Trying to get off the intuniv-it dropped her blood pressure down to in the 50's. Did your youngest have that problem? However, I do not think that is her problem-severe ADHD-I am really convinced it is truly bipolar. Just wish a doctor would be on board too-a good one. I almost wish we could come there to see your doctor. Maybe...Feb. 8th will help.
ReplyDeleteAmy - I'm so sorry you are struggling. I understand that want to jump out of your skin annoyance and hopeless feeling when it comes to your own child. I'm thinking of you all and hope the 8th flies here for you!! I know this sounds completely nuts but we have lots of extra Klonopin (mild sedative) here and I will send it out to you asap if you need it as Megan suggested! I'm not kidding! I read your posts and can feel your emotions as we live it here with Ava. There are times when I feel like I might just break in half and be done. When you feel like there is no answer, no hope, no peace to be found. But know that this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteTell me how you've found your doc that you'll see on the 8th. Are you having trouble finding a doc that really understand BP in kiddos? I'd love to help you do some research to find you a doc knowledgeable that could really help! Please please please let me know if I can do anything to help.
January 30, 2010 9:44 PM
My daughter didn't have blood pressure problems on Intuniv. Low blood pressure runs in the family so i am surprised. Your daughter does sound more bipolar than ADHD, but has she ever had a psychotic episode? Ours did not until she was put on an antidepressant alone and she went entirely manic and thought she was superman. Has she ever heard voices? Or thought she saw something scary that wasn't there? Not every BP kid has these symptoms, but MOST do . Again, a really good pdoc is going to get the right diagnosis. Any stimulant like Concerta or Ritalin would also bring on mania in a BP kids as well as a steroid like for lung inflamation, etc. Caroline didn't have auditory or visual hallucinations until she went manic (not while depressed). She has had them now when severely depressed.
ReplyDeleteIf she is bipolar, the Clonipin would be a necessity to have on board for emergency situations where she would become a danger to herself or others. I would ask for it or something like it, like Valium.
ReplyDeleteAbout the Intuniv: did you titrate up fairly slowly when you first tried it, like 1mg per week? I am wondering if some kids would adjust to it at an even slower place, like 1mg increases every two weeks?
ReplyDeleteE-squared-the doctor we found is the head of psychiatry of Phoenix Children's Hospital-he was listed on the BPkids website. I had tried to get in to see him last year and they said he was not taking new patients. My pediatrician got us in to see him. I am going to fax him info ahead of time in hopes that will help. Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteMegan-yes, we did titrate it up very slowly. and she did fine with her blood pressure until she reached 3mg. Then it kinda got bad but when we went to 4mg. that was when it was the worst. It did help with calmness and focusing some. She wants the vyvanse back soooo bad. And now I have figured out what it does do for her. It kinda sedates her-she is not so hyper and wild, but I also think it makes her depressed and irritable. She is much happier but a wild and crazy happy, probably manic. She can't control her actions and is bouncing off the walls. She also can't control her eating. I may get just enough to get her through to the 8th since the intuniv will stop on Tuesday. I know she needs something else but not sure what. I may give it to her just so we all can survive until the 8th.
Amy - your new doc sounds promising! Still wishing away days for you and sending calming thoughts your way for Kenzie. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteErin
Hi, Amy. I am a friend of Sharon's, your mom-in-law. My name is also Sharon. :) I hope you don't mind me writing to you. I just feel sad to hear what you and Kenz and the family are going through. I've been on almost every medication there is, and I've been hospitalized numeruos times, and I've also had ECT's (electroconvulsive therapy/shock treatments). So I have tried pretty much all there is to try. You mentioned weaning Kenz off meds. Did you go through her doctor to make sure you wean her off very slowly, one med at a time? It can be disastrous and at the least disruptive if you try to do it on your own. You are such a loving and caring mom, and you have been through more than the ordinary mom. I'm sorry you also suffer from depression. Do you go to therapy for yourself? Caretakers need help too. If you have any questions or comments or anything, please feel free to email me at txgiggles45@gmail.com or txgigggles@yahoo.com You aren't alone in your struggles, Amy. There is always hope.
ReplyDeletehugs,
sharon :)
Thanks Sharon. I did wean her off slowly, one medicine at a time with the doctor's help. And she is still on seroquel. I won't be taking her off that until we see the psychiatrist on Mon. the 8th.-one week from today! I just wanted her to start as fresh as possible with this new psychiatrist. Plus, the others were doing damage or not helping.
ReplyDeleteAnd no I am not in therapy. This blog is my therapy. I have been in the past, but my depression is very manageable and I am very aware of what is going on and how to help it. But thank you for your encouraging words. And you are always welcome to read and post as much as you like. I would love to understand how the mind of a bipolar person works. Kenz is not able to explain to me nor anyone else what goes on in her mind very often.