Sicker than a Dog

Okay I spoke too soon. Kenzie did get sick with the stomach flu and boy, was she sicker than a dog! She could not stop throwing up and because of her congenital adrenal hyperplasia I had to take her to the ER. I do not think I have shared on this blog about her genetic disorder-CAH. So, for those of you who do not know Kenzie also has a physical medical condition. Apparently, she was born with it but we did not discover it until she was about six. She has a very mild condition of this genetic disorder. Her adrenal glands do not produce enough cortisol so her body compensates by producing too much testosterone. At six years old she looked like she was going into puberty. But with a low dosage of steroids her body is tricked into thinking that she is producing enough cortisol and functions normal. The trick is to keep the right amount of steroids in her body. She takes them everyday. However, when she has a serious injury or sickness her adrenaline does not kick in like the average person so her dosage of steroids has to be tripled. Because she could not keep even ice chips down there was no way to triple the dosage orally. When I called her endocrinologist he said to take her to the nearest ER- that it was not something to mess around with-it could be life threatening. So I did and we were there from 9:30 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. Needless to say, I am exhausted and I now too will have anxiety about her getting sick in the future. I do not blame her for not wanting to get sick. She is much better and sound asleep right now. I, on the other hand, have my 15 month old to keep an eye on and cannot sleep. Maybe when she goes down I can. Kenzie also did not get to take her seroquel or amantadine last night. I hope we do not see any repercussions from that.

Anxiety Overload

On the other hand, Kenzie's anxiety is in overload! Having the stomach flu in the house is causing her amazing amounts of anxiety. So much that it is driving me crazy. The other night she broke down in tears-she is so afraid she is going to get it! She asks me all kinds of crazy questions like "If I touch this fresh bagel and Tori(who is sick) had one the other day from the same bag-not the same bagel-but the same bag-will I get it?" "If I sit on the couch where Dad and Tori sat will I get it?" etc. She doesn't even want to take a shower in the same bathroom where people got sick in the toilets-even after I have cleaned them! She has reserved one toilet for herself, cleaned it herself, and has ordered everybody not to use it. We keep telling her that if she is going to get it she will. She has done everything that she can to prevent it. I almost want her to just get it and then it will be all over, the worrying! Terrible mom, aren't I-to want my child to get sick! I really don't but I do wish the anxiety would cease. Also, her first day of high school is Thursday, the 5th! But have not seen anxiety for that yet-I am sure it is coming.

Rising to the Occasion

McKenzie is very good at this..."Rising to the occasion", usually. And in this case this past week she did just that. The stomach flu hit our house, and I got very sick. So sick... because of my acid reflux. The pain would not stop and it was intense. My husband had to take me to the hospital. So we left Kenzie here with the baby and took our middle child. That way she would only have to concentrate on the baby. We have not left her with the baby in a long time. But she is the most stable she has been in a long time and actually very helpful. She and Tori, our middle child, do not do well alone together and that I wish was different but hopefully, with time, that will get better too. It made me nervous leaving her here alone with Addy but I really had no choice and I have to start trusting her again. She has proven very trustworthy with the baby. I am so glad we did leave her. She really stepped up and did a great job. Poor Addy, she has three moms and one dad! Right now she loves it but not sure how she is going to feel when she gets older. McKenzie on the other hand loves playing mom and someday hopefully, she will get the chance to be a great mom. But in the way, way, WAY future! Let us pray!

Better Today

Just wanted everyone to know that today Kenzie is much better. She even woke up late and barely made it out the door for church but never screamed or cussed at anybody-a little cranky but nothing like it usually is. So maybe no mania-just lack of sleep and no amatadine. I am excited to see if tomorrow when she goes back on it if she will be even better. I am thankful for this blog and everyone who reads it. It helps to vent.

Amantadine Holiday and Questions

I was told by a mutual blogger friend that her daughter takes a 48 hour holiday from amantadine once a month. She said the doctor from Meridell told them that the dopamine receptors need a break. Anyway, since our psychiatrist is so new to this medication I decided to follow her advice since it came from a very reputable source. So this morning McKenzie did not take her amantadine. Today she is loud, easily irritated, and not calm! But she also has had trouble sleeping the last few days and was up at 5:00 this morning and then woke up her sister at 7:00 by climbing in bed with her. Not sure how that helped her but what's done is done. She also is very talkative-fast, loud, and very snappy as well. Makes me wonder after all I have read lately if this is not mania coming on. Yesterday she was very irritable and that was with her taking the amantadine. So again I am confused. Does she have bipolar just not to the degree it could be? Can you have bipolar to a lesser degree than most people with bipolar? One thing we talked about at the psychiatrist last week was how all of these mental illnesses are on a continuum and they also overlap. It is so hard to get a clear diagnosis. And without a clear diagnosis it is hard to get the right combo of medications. Hell, it is hard to get the right combo of medication period. While I was writing this she just had an outburst with her dad. He couldn't handle her any longer so he sent her to her room. I guess he has tried the resets all day and he finally couldn't take it anymore. I don't blame him. She is driving me crazy and I was gone running errands for three hours. So she went to her room on her way, yelling "I hate you", screaming "I wish you weren't my father", and "Why did I marry him?" I try to stay out of it when it is between him and her. It is hard, because I struggle with supporting my husband and helping my child. I do agree with him that sometimes she just needs to be removed away from everyone else. I guess this was one of those times. She is quiet in her room and it is peaceful out here. But for how long? And what is going on in her room with her? What is she feeling? Is this mania and is she bipolar? Or is it just anxiety with hardly any sleep? Are we in for another medication change? She is so complicated that is for sure-something we all agree on. I just wish I could help her more and wish that it didn't affect the family the way it does.
Monday she goes back on the amantadine and hopefully, it will return her to the calm and happy self she was for a few weeks. I guess if it is true mania coming on then amantadine won't help, and we will know. Know what, you ask? Not sure myself.

Devotionals

During our vacation Tori slept in the same bed as Kenzie and Tori told me that every night Kenz would ask her if she wanted to listen to her devotion she was going to read from her devotional book. I was amazed. On her own she brought the book to Flagstaff with her and on her own she spent time with God. I am so pleased. It really warmed my heart. It also made Tori happy too-her comment was, "Mom, I am so proud of Kenzie."-an 8 year old going on 16! I always share the hard times, and some good times too-but not often enough. I think it is her trying to deal with her anxiety at night and I can't think of a better coping mechanism. Just thought I would share.

Vacation

Even though I have backed into a tree(car not to bad), got a terrible acid reflux episode, and Daisy pooped and peed all over herslef while in her kennel in the garage, we have had a really good vacation up here in the mountains of Flagstaff, AZ. It is only two hours away from home and it is 30 degrees cooler. Yesterday we went to Lowell Observatory where they first discovered Pluto and we got to see Saturn through a telescope plus a constellation of stars that were 25,000 light years away. And through it all Kenzie has been great. Tori and her still fight some but then I guess that is normal for sisters. I am not sure Tori knows what to do with Kenzie being in such a good mood and so stable. Tori still likes to blame everthing on Kenzie's mentall illness. But Kenzie has even handled that pretty well. She laughs and is funny-takes jokes and gives jokes well. She is also not cranky in the mornings just a little droggy. That is amazing. I always had such anxiety in the mornings right before Kenzie woke up and now she is a pleasure. Her anxiety at night is still strong but she is managing that. Thanks Lord for this blessing of time-may it last for a long while. And Megan thanks for sharing about amantadine in your blog. It is an amazing drug.