Friday, July 9, 2010

Medication and Still Wondering

I thought I would post the medicine that Kenzie takes just in case anybody else has similar drugs. Currently, she takes vyvanse 40 mg., amantadine 100 mg in the morning. Then in the late afternoon when the vyvanse seems to wear off which is about after 8-9 hours, she takes short acting aderall 10 mg. If we forget that one then we are headed for a disaster. At night she takes another 100 mg of amantadine and 200 mg of seroquel. She was taking buspar for her anxiety but we stopped that because it did not seem to make a difference one way or another. I hate that she is on so much medication and therefore, I do not want her taking anything that she does not have to have. We still have no medicine that helps her with the anxiety except seroquel because it helps her get to sleep at night. Night time is the worst when it comes to her anxiety. We just started the amantadine full force, all 200 mg. of it and so far no bad side effects. She seems pretty good these last two days. Time will tell. I still can't figure out what her diagnosis is and I am not sure the doctors know for sure either. I do know that she does have ADHD and the stimulants she takes for that seem to work and if we do not have them she is so impulsive it causes terrible trouble(looks like mania). I also know for sure she has anxiety. It is the mood disorder that I am unsure of. At times she seems to have some sort of mood issues but does not seem as bad as others I read about that have been diagnosed with bipolar. Does she have mood issues because of her impulsivity and anxiety or is it another illness alongside of these two? Also, they are ruling out asbergers and at times I see that one too. The not understanding of social rules, being literal and not understanding expressions or vocabulary that a almost 14 year old should understand, not being able to communicate her feelings very well, the lack of friends, and the sensory issues she has-although she has gotten better about that one. I hate mental illness. It is so hard to figure out, so unpredictable, and so unfair. I also hate thinking about it all the time. I want to not look at my daughter and wonder what is going on in her brain all of the time. I want to not walk on eggshells wondering when will be the next outbreak. I just want to enjoy the moments when everything is good and she is happy. Today, I am making a decision to lean on our Lord and do just that-enjoy every moment that she is happy and celebrate it out loud.


  1. Amy - once again I feel as though I could have typed exactly what you've written here. I wonder quite often about Ava's bipolar/mood disorder diagnosis. We DO know she has ADHD - after taking her first dose of stimulant/Concerta - she took a nap!! I know there's serious anxiety issues there also - she had her first obvious panic attack last weekend. But I have to wonder so often, just as you, what is going on with her, how she is feeling, what could be the cause of this or that, what meds are doing, are they working, aren't they working, what could be side effects of meds, should we up the dose, should we try something different . . . it goes on forever.

    Thinking of you - know there is someone out there who feels your pain.


  2. Thanks Erin. I missed having you online there for awhile. Glad you are back and writing again. I found "Mama Bear's" blog through you and found this girl who is 14 and who wrote exactly what it feels like when she is manic and when she is depressed and what helps her. It is amazing. Her name is Erika and the post is called "Meet Erika" Have you seen that? If not, you have to-it helped me so much understand Kenzie's rages and impulsive behavior. I even asked Kenz about what I read and a light went off in her face and she shook her head and said yea, yes that is exactly right. Then she said I wish I could express my feelings like that. Anyway, just thought I would share that info-you may already have read it. Thanks again-thinking of you too. Amy